06 July, 2013


I was going to make this another Facebook rant, but as I thought about it, the more I felt it would make a better blog post.  This should make T-Payn happy as it will contain no self-deprecating race analysis.

As several of you know, I put in a little bike ride after work on wednesday, and in the course of pedaling, a "bee" (bee, wasp, hornet, etc.) flew into my helmet vent and stung me above the left temple.

This wasn't the first time I was stung while riding, but the third time in the cranial area (the other was my ear during the first lap of the Boyne Marathon), and the first time in 2 years.

So today was the day when I had recovered enough emotionally and physically to try riding again.  The swelling had gone down enough that my helmet fit, and the sobbing was only occasional.

I headed back out on a merry jaunt on my bicycle, although I was a bit gun shy.  I had a couple insects enter into a helmet vent, but I was able to shack them out.  About halfway through my last lap, I was just cruising along when I felt something enter a vent again.

For the second time in 2 rides, I again had some suicidal flying fuck penetrate my head and ejaculate venom into my skull.  So I did what any normal person would do... I grabbed a handful of front brake and went flying over the handle bars.  I figured the impact would dislodge whatever cranial rapist was taking advantage of my scalp.

After dusting myself off, I sprayed off my head with some cold water (which did nothing), and went to finish my ride.  At this point there is a fine line of what kind of pace to maintain.  Too fast and the poison circulates through my entire system, and I fall over and die.  Too slow and I collapse and die right there.

So, as I ride out at a moderate pace, my mind is left to analyze the situation.  Am I breathing harder than normal?  Is my tongue swelling?  What does fluid in your lungs feel like?  Is my nose running, or is that a brain hemorrhage?

I made it back to my car, and safely home.  I tried to disinfect the area with some Pert Plus (wash and go!), but my head still hurts. Fortunately it is the opposite side from last time.

My plan is to lock myself inside for the next 48 hours.  I do not want to end up going to work on Monday looking any more like Rocky Dennis.

I will take the time to reassess my riding practices.
1) No more rosewater dabbed behind my ears.  Although smelling nice is important, I think it may be doing more harm than good.

2) Retire my highly vented helmet for something less cool (in more ways than one).

3) Continue with my mega-dose of beer, taken internally.

4) Cancel my botox appointment before I end up looking like the cat lady.

They say that all the bees are dying, I say, not fast enough....

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